Confession

This is a hard thing to admit so publicly, but I have to say it: I have a hard time reading books. I really do like reading, I like the idea of reading, and Ross can tell you I spend hours adding books to my Amazon wish list. But once I buy them, they just sit on my shelf. I pick them up every now and then, read a paragraph or two, and that's as far as I get. If I'm lucky, it might extend to a full chapter, but it takes a very special book for me to actually finish the whole thing. I just get so bored, so distracted, and lose interest very quickly.

I am admitting this tonight because I am feeling guilty that I am not reading the pregnancy books I've bought. And now I have breastfeeding and baby care books that I'm supposed to start devouring, and I just can't. I have no idea what I'm getting into because I have almost no interest in reading about it. Isn't that terrible?

On the bright side, despite a nasty fall at the grocery store (slipping on a grape in the produce isle while wearing flip flops is not recommended) and despite my ignorance on pregnancy matters, all seems to be going well for baby. I go for week 17 checkup tomorrow. Only a few more weeks and we'll have a gender- maybe that will motivate me to read more!

Closed Doors, Open Windows?

Last Friday I found out I am one of 300 teachers in my school district being let go at the end of the school year. Budget crises being what they are, and support of the arts being what it is, the likelihood of me finding another teaching job is pretty much null. But the weird thing is I'm not too worried- I feel really peaceful about it so far. I get paid until the end of August, so if we don't have a plan by then, I might be a little more panicked this fall!

Earlier I had learned that if I took maternity leave, I wouldn't be paid at all during the time I took off- I had to have been paying disability insurance, and stupid me never signed up for it when I first got hired. At least this way I can stay home with my baby AND I might get a little bit of income from unemployment!

Ross and I are discussing all our choices now- and the more we talk, the more choices we come up with. It's really pretty amazing that in spite of losing one job, we have so many avenues to explore. I'm truly grateful for that- so happy that Ross is well enough for this, happy I'll get to stay home with baby for awhile, happy that the Lord still has us in His hands!

We'll keep our friends and family posted!

What an amazing experience we had this week to hear the heartbeat and see for the first time our little baby!! The doctor said he/she is only 1 inch long, but on the screen, we saw a baby- not what I imagined a fetus to look like, but we actually saw feet and arms and watched and the baby stretched and moved. It was wonderful and I didn't want it to stop!

Everything is looking healthy and normal at 10 weeks. I go back in at 13 for another checkup, and again at 20 weeks to see again how the little kid is doing. I am feeling tired and pukey still- mostly the later at night. Whoever called it morning sickness was never pregnant! But I'm looking forward to "a sudden burst of energy" my doc says may come in the next couple weeks!

Week 9

PUKEY!!!

Week 6

Titus stayed 4 days in the Kitty Hospital with a urinary blockage and finally came home! The whole time he was gone, I was an emotional wreck! I was so worried about him, and missed him, and just bawled all the time. It seems silly now, but I couldn't help myself. So I'm very relieved he's home and doing well.

Needless to say, hyper-emotions are a major pregnancy sign for me right now. I finally started getting nauseated- luckily it's been really mild and only at night. So far, it's also been accompanied by headaches- they are worse than the pukey feeling! I hope that doesn't happen often. They're like my old migraines, but I can't do anything for them but sleep. If they hit during school hours, I don't know what I'll do! I still have sore breasts, and actually have lost my appetite. I haven't been eating nearly enough. So that's my week 6 so far!

Ross and I toured the Cedar Park Regional Medical Center's maternity ward last night. I felt silly- all the other women were 8 months pregnant. But I want to find a good doctor AND a good facility, and if I know the place I'll be delivering is right, it will help narrow down doctor choices. There are just too many! I really liked the hospital- it's small and very well-equipped, very swanky. I think it will work out great.

Hysterics

Titus, my 11 year old cat, got sick this morning- or last night maybe. He got a urinary blockage and was in obvious distress. Ross took him into the vet and they had to sedate him, give him a catheter, and will keep him under observation all night.

I have been frantic with worry all day! He is so precious to me! I got myself to work, when I should have called out sick. All day I cried in between classes, and when my last class before lunch was over, I went to my closet and bawled!

Then I discovered I'm spotting- Wow! I really cried, then! I sobbed and sobbed all afternoon. Luckily, some WONDERFUL team-mates convinced me to let someone cover my afternoon classes. There's no way I was fit to teach!

I'm taking tomorrow off, too. The vet wants me to take Titus to the kitty ER so he can still have care overnight, and then pick him up and take him back to the vet's office tomorrow morning. Apparently they have such things as kitty ER's, but no kitty ambulance! And then I called my doctor for me, and they said it's probably nothing, but I should take it easy and monitor myself to make sure it doesn't get worse. They said to rest, so I'm taking them at their word and resting from work tomorrow!

Why am I happy to be sick?

I was reading that if a pregnant woman suddenly stops having pregnancy symptoms, this could be a sign that she is miscarrying. So yesterday I had an incredibly easy day. I wasn't super tired, I wasn't feeling like I could eat a horse, my breasts weren't abnormally sore. The only thing was I got frustrated at a first grader, but that's pretty par for the course. So I started worrying all day- what if something is wrong? What if I'm not developing right? What if I miscarry?

And then I started feeling nauseous! Not a whole lot- just faintly. Enough to make me moan and feel gross. (I think my idea of bad nausea versus faint nausea might be messed up, though- it's hard to think anything I'm feeling might be bad when I watched Ross be so sick all year!) Anyway, I was THRILLED to feel sick! It was the weirdest thing- the sicker I felt, the more I smiled! And then as I went to bed, my breasts hurt worse than I have ever felt- it was marvelous!!

I got sick in the middle of the night, too- I had a dream that I was waiting for a bus in LA at one of the grimier stops. There was a lady and her mom- very white-trashy ladies. The younger one was holding a baby less than a year old, and the baby was chewing on a lit cigarette! It was so disgusting and so REAL, that I really almost barfed in my dream. I woke up feeling sick, so I think I almost barfed for real.

I felt again slightly nauseous this morning, it went away but came back before lunch, went away again, and is back while I wait for dinner. If I just keep eating, will I never get sick?

At any rate, I'm just glad I still have pregnancy signs!