First, I forgot to set up a ride to the hospital for this morning. Then I overslept anyway. I wanted to drive myself, but can't still for another week, so I had to get Ross to take me, even though he had so much to do today. Then I tripped on the cat's food bowl and sent cat food flying underneath the washing machine. I couldn't do anything to clean it up because I still can't bend over for any length of time. I couldn't help but cry.
We almost missed rounds at the hospital by being so late, but made it just in time (luckily the doctors were late yesterday, too!). Maisie didn't gain any weight yesterday, but luckily she didn't lose any either. We tried nippling again this morning with great success- sort of. She actually ate some from Mom (even though I had just pumped and was supposed to be completely empty so she couldn't). It's good she can do it, but she didn't digest all of her food for the subsequent feedings, so we couldn't try any more. She is really getting the hang of it, though- she was looking to nuzzle at each feeding today. She had to settle for a pacifier, but it's exciting she is figuring things out.
But here came the next melt down- I'm getting so happy to see her doing so well. It's exciting she's healthy and strong. But the NICU is so stressful! I think a baby died yesterday. We had four different nurses and one went home because she couldn't stop crying. The NICU was unusually hectic and everyone seemed tense. I'm happy it wasn't my baby, and so sad I feel that way. I'm just so anxious to bring Maisie home. I cried because she has to stay there for who knows how long, even though she seems to be so close to being ready to come home. It's so frustrating!! Then I cried again tonight because I had to leave her once again. Each time I have to come home to sleep, I feel ripped apart.
Other news: we had applied to adopt a kitten about a month ago. After our Phil died, we felt another little kitty would really help Titus be less lonely.We did not expect it to take a month for her shelter to release her. At any rate, today was the day we got to bring our kitten home. The shelter named her Summer- we might choose a different name if we can think of one. I was also not ready for the stress of introducing a new cat to our home. She hisses every time she smells Titus through the door. And Titus is definitely NOT happy tonight. If I weren't so tired, I think I'd have another meltdown.
2 comments:
I know there are those days, but all is well. Hang in there, oh, sister of mine! We're definitely still thinking of you, Ross, and Maisie, and you're all absolutely in our prayers! We will add Titus and "Summer" to the mix, as well!
Aww, poor thing. These sorts of daya are tough. I hope the rest get better. It sounds as though Maisie is doing really well and that's excellent! There's a thing called survivor's remorse and I suspect it's just as valid for parents of NICU babies. Don't feel bad that your baby is doing great. You can be sad for the other parents and glad at your success at the same time. It's okay.
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